The Ones Who Stayed

When Friendship Becomes Fire and Grace

Photo by Dallas Penner on Unsplash

I went to the Fox News website when I was looking for something to write about. The first thing I saw was a wall of crime stories. I'm usually not overwhelmed by news online, but I was this time.

More news about anti-trump protests, Houthis in the Middle East blowing things up and attacking Israel, politicians encouraging college grads to hit people with chairs.

Then, in my city, I hear about the assaults, gun violence, break-ins, and robberies that happen less than a few miles from where I live.

The world is crazy. It's so crazy that it seems locking yourself in your bedroom and rolling up in blankets like a cocoon is the safest thing to do sometimes.

When it comes to politics, social causes, and self-expression, many people want to be seen and get self-affirmation for standing for something. One of the most popular ways of doing that nowadays is creating chaos.

To be seen is the external factor, but loneliness is often the root.

Institutions benefit from the chaos. Politicians get votes through fear. Media profits off of division, outrage, and identity politics. Tech and commerce isolate you while selling "connection." Some in the medical industry have made a big push for mental health.

The more divided and lonely we are, the easier it is to manipulate, monitor, and monetize us.

Some call loneliness a crisis to solve, and others see it as a market to exploit.

Who suffers? Everyone who asks, "Am I seen? Am I loved? Am I wanted?"

We all ask these questions at some point or another in our lives. So, the solution boils down to choice and friendship. It calls for friendships that see past differences and hold on to what is good.

Aristotle calls this Friendship Of The Good, the highest form of friendship in his eyes—a friendship built on love, virtue, and mutual improvement.

For improvement, one must be willing to be refined, and refinement sometimes requires fire.

This fire could come from external situations such as war, politics, society, and culture. However, it can also mean more ordinary challenges—family obligations, time, work, or distance. All of those things make friendships difficult, especially as adults.

One friendship that's lasted for many years comes to my mind when I think about refining fire. This friend challenged and stretched me in ways I didn't always understand—or like. Life's pressures and our differences often made connecting feel out of reach.

But after a minor conflict, something surprising happened: a moment of reconciliation and mutual forgiveness.

And I was reminded of a powerful truth—we chose to stay despite everything.

I had another friend like this in high school. We would get into disputes over conflicting worldviews. To our surprise, we found that neither could stay angry at the other for very long. So we always ended up apologizing to each other.

Some of the most incredible friendships in history are great because they chose to stay with one another regardless of what they faced.

The friendship between David and Jonathan is one of the clearest biblical examples of covenant friendship.

They were warriors—fighting beside each other in battle and for each other in life. They vowed to stay, even when politics, family, and danger tried to tear them apart.

For believers in Christ, a covenant with God comes by accepting the finished work of Jesus for the atonement of our sins. We then become reconciled to God Himself through Christ. And, in turn, brothers and sisters in Christ to each other.

This is the kind of love that changes things. Iron sharpens iron. Sometimes, the sharpening creates sparks, and sometimes, the sparks start fires.

When the fire comes—and it will—will it refine or consume you?

Stay. Love. Show up again.

This kind of friendship will make a difference in a world starved for love.

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Have you ever had a friendship that was tested—but lasted? What helped you stick with it?

Let me know in the comments or feel free to reply to this email!